


Intrulogical week

by genderlessfish



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Established Relationship, Halloween, M/M, be careful, intrulogicalweek2020, no beta we die like men, oneshots, warning for just.. remus-typical things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26837818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genderlessfish/pseuds/genderlessfish
Summary: Where I'm posting my drabbles for intrulogical week! They'll be of varying lengths, and I'll add tags as I go along. They'll also be on my tumblr, which has the same username!
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 40
Kudos: 120
Collections: Intrulogical Week 2020





	1. Day 1- Hesitancy

Logan wasn’t used to having second thoughts. Normally, he made informed decisions, normally he thought things through and, normally, he was smart about things.

‘Normally’ didn’t generally apply when he was with his boyfriend.

“I am unsure as to whether this is a good idea.” 

“Awh, cmon Specs! Maybe if you pulled that stick outta your arse, it’d make space for something more fun~” The boy in question teased, making some rather graphic gestures he’d really rather not stop to think about right now.

Remus, ‘in favour of the season’, (Logan had tried to point out how that was the incorrect turn of phrase, but he hadn’t cared), had back-combed his already ridiculously tangled mane, painted himself green and, most disturbingly, used graphically gorey bolts and stitches to decorate his skin. For a terrifying moment when they first met, Logan had thought he’d actually pierced his skin.. Turns out, he just had incredible makeup skills. He could barely look away- although, he found himself looking at Remus a lot of the time anyway. And his particularly skimpy ‘rags’ weren’t helping things. 

Logan had never cared much for dressing up, but Remus’ puppy dog eyes were astoundingly persuasive, so he’d consented to do a ‘couples costume’ of Frankenstein and his monster- on the condition Remus refrained from calling him ‘Daddy Frankie’. That condition hadn’t been met.

Logan shot him a halfhearted glare, no real bite to it. “That is not what we’re here for.”

“It could be-”

“Remus.” He reminded him, suppressing a smile. Jokes like that had gotten to him, once, but he was used to them by now. 

“Right! Okay! You remember the plan of action?” His boyfriend asked, linking their hands. Logan didn’t bother suppressing this smile.

“Beyond where we're going? No, because you didn’t tell me it. You said, and I quote-” He cleared his throat, “‘Come on Daddy Frankie, we’re going spooking’.”

“Oh. Well to be fair, that’s true!” Remus said as he dragged him forwards... Towards what had to be the most haunted looking house Logan had ever seen. (Or rather- the most obviously _fake_ haunted house he’d ever seen. The place just screamed tourist trap.)

“What are we going to get from this, exactly?” 

“Right!” Remus snapped the fingers of his free hand in realisation, probably getting he couldn’t just drag Logan around indefinitely. Not that he hadn’t tried, before.

“Wellllllllll, my dearest brother is one of the spook actors in the haunted house.”

“And?” Logan prompted.

“I’m getting there, Specs, God! So impatient~” Remus giggled at his own innuendo, taking a second to remember what he’d been saying.

“Soo.. Oh! Yeah! We get in free.”

Logan waited patiently for him to explain why that was something that mattered to them.

“... Figured it’d be kinda fun? Point out the gorey inaccuracies? Maybe take some notes, run over how we could _actually_ stage the scenes in there.”

Logan gave his hand a small squeeze, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards.

“You had me at ‘taking notes’.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is having a rough day and Logan offers him some support,, sorry it's so short again, tomorrows is planned to be a lot longer!
> 
> Warnings for: gorey imagery, innuendos, violence.. the whole Remus treatment.

“Imaging fucking yourself with a stick of dynamite!”

Remus had been spewing comments like this all day, like a headless body spurting waves and waves of blood from its stump neck, and patience was running thin. Or… Thinn _er_.He’d scared everyone off, and the kitchen was his to reign with his weird thoughts and cake batter they’d all assume he fucked- God, you tried something once and suddenly everyone assumed _every_ pastry you cooked was cum-filled.

To his delight, though, one side hadn’t gotten the message. He watched Logan walk in, carefully marking his page with a slip of paper before replying,  
“I’m assuming you’re referring to a lit stick?”

“You know it~”

“Well, in the past you’ve said ‘anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough’. Technically, you aren’t wrong, but a large, large number of items would be incredibly dangerous to use. As you’re metaphysical, I suppose you’re free to do as you please, but I’d strongly discourage you from doing such a thing.”

Remus cackled at the answer, and normally it’d be enough for him... but he wasn’t done.  
“Imagine it going off inside you- talk about an explosive orgasm~ and blowing your legs off. All the organs and gore n shit dripping out would kinda look like tentacles! Hey, imagine them coming to life and fucking someone hentai-style…” He didn’t even realise he’d been rambling until Logan was stood next to him, a small frown set on his face.

“Are you alright?”

“Never better! Yknow, on the topic of dildos, earlier I was looking at the Judas Cradle-”

“A medieval torture device shaped like a triangle, where people would be weighted then placed atop it and torn apart through one of their orifices. Please do not use one.” Logan interrupted him, looking over at Remus in… Concern, it almost looked like. Remus shook his head, sure he was imagining it.

“Reckon it’d be fun.”

Logan reached out, gently placing a hand on his arm. Remus had to force himself not to flinch away.  
“Pain isn’t fun.”

“I’m sure I could show you otherwise~” Remus offered, somehow managing to wriggle his eyebrows and mustache in unison. It was a feat he was actually quite proud of, even if Logans immediate recoil stung a little.   
“Think anyone’s ever choked on a dick and died before? Bet they have. Ooh, maybe the guy just kept fuckin into their mouth before realising they were dead. Or maybe they didn’t care!”

He waited for Logans shout of disgust or look of repulsion. Waited for him to just leave. Instead, he heard him ask softly,  
“I assume your intrusive thoughts are more forceful and rapid today?”

Huh. He usually just said ‘worse’- but that wasn’t technically wrong.  
“You bet it. They’re going at it hard and fast~”

Logan just sighed, unphased. Remus wondered what was wrong with him.  
“Would you like a distraction?” Apparently, they’d spent too much time together, as he quickly tacked on,  
“Of the non-sexual kind.”

Remus, for once, didn't know what to say. He nodded. 

He hadn’t thought Logan liked spending much time with him normally, let alone when he was like this.

“Very well… What would you like to do?”

Remus shrugged mutely, so shocked he didn’t even consider his go-to answer of disembowelment.  
“Would a documentary suffice?” Logan asked softly and, seeing him nod again, lead him over to the couch.

They let themselves be emerged in the documentary, Logan pointing out occasional inaccuracies and Remus giggling at any and all violence or opportunity for a gross comment. At some point, they shifted from opposite ends of the sofa to the middle, curled up against one another. Neither minded.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Punk!Remus and Mod!Logan meet at a festival! I.. did a lot more intro, on this one, but I hope that's alright. They're gradually getting longer saisdkjs  
> It's kinda rushed, so sorry if there's any mistakes.
> 
> Content warning: this one's pretty tame! I accidentally made it angsty at the start there, though, soooooooo kinda neglectful parenting. Also, small mention of drugs and underage drinking

The twins had always been creative. For Roman, ‘creative’ was praise- his imagination created paintings of princes in castles captured by dragon witches. Everyone loved that creativity.  
For Remus, ‘creative’ was what adults told him when they didn’t know how to react. When his paintings of decapitated heroes and taloned beasts disgusted them but they didn’t want to admit it.

Remus’ ‘creativity’ wasn’t the only thing about him that was different, and he spent his childhood trying to live up to his parents expectations as effortlessly as Roman did. But there’s only so many accurate drawings of medieval torture devices you can offer up to your parents before you realise they just don’t like it- so, he decided fuck that.

Becoming a ‘rebellious child’ was surprisingly easy when people already expected the worst of you, and Remus easily sunk into the routine. He was in detention every day- and that was where that beautiful, weird looking emo walked in and he stole his headphones. The music was unlike anything he’d ever heard before… And, after the guys' embarrassed explanation, Remus had been able to look into subcultures. He’d discovered punk.

It was loud, abrasive, and everything he’d been told creativity shouldn’t be. He loved it.

It didn’t take much of a push for the ‘rebellious kid’ to sneak out to gigs. He’d finally found a crowd, who dressed messy and spoke angry and _liked him._ He and his fake ID fit in just fine in these clubs, and despite being a couple years off ‘18’ it said, he was allowed to stay.

Festivals were his favourite- he spent days surrounded by people like him, sleeping on the ground and not giving a shit about how much mud you were covered in.  
Also, there were lots of drugs. 

It was at one of these festivals he saw the prettiest boy he’d ever laid eyes upon (which sounded fucking sappy, but hey. Perhaps he was more like his brother than he’d thought.)

His somehow crisply ironed polo stood out in the sea of rumpled clothes, neat brown quiff perfectly maintained. He was dirt-free from head to ankle, the tiniest amount of mud splattering his shoes. He looked like a mod angel. One, a little voice in the back of his head said gleefully, he’d love to corrupt.

-

Logan didn’t come across as the type to enjoy festivals. Hell, to people who didn’t know his style, he didn’t come across as the kind of guy to listen to music. But he’d always had a connection with it- he’d been a stony faced kid, and his parents hadn’t been convinced he even could enjoy anything other than work until they played music around him. He’d listen to anything, but some stuck out- ska, rock. Mod, most of all. He realised quickly there was a place for outsiders, after all. It was freeing. Everyone was weird, here, so nobody laughed at how he spoke, or stared at how he dressed…

Almost nobody.

For almost two hours, now, (one hour fifty seven minutes since he’d first noticed), a boy with scraggly shoulder length hair and a glaring white streak, ripped green trousers and a mesh top that was, frankly, ridiculously short for something already full of holes, had been staring at him. His gaze was unsettling, eyes shifting from brown to almost red in the light. It was almost demonic- and he was fascinated.

Logan figured the fascination was mutual- after all, why else would the boy be staring?- and, so, he approached him.

“Salutations.”

Apparently, that hadn’t been expected. He watched the boy choke on his drink, eyes widening as he quickly put it down.  
“Oh, uh, hi!”

Logan couldn’t help smirking, a little, at his blush. He adjusted his glasses.  
“I was wondering if there was something on my face.”

He watched the strangers face flush even further, a strange resolve seeming to set in before he replied.  
“No, but there could be.” Logan raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue- and the boy tacked on  
“My mouth! Specifically, on yours- but I’m not fussy, I can put it wherever you want~”

Ah. It would appear it was Logans turn to blush… He cleared his throat and, once he felt confident his voice wouldn’t betray him, stuck his hand out.  
“I’m Logan.”

“Remus!”


	4. Day 4- Curiousity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan explores the imagination... Without telling anyone. Luckily, Remus finds him in time (oh god this summary is bad sakjsdj I am. tired.)
> 
> Content warnings: a biiit of violence and injury, but not much this time.

There wasn’t much Logan didn’t know about in the mindscape. 

He knew everyones rooms. He knew their schedules, when each side grabbed breakfast or watched TV or just seemed to want to see the others faces. Nothing was uncharted territory, and that meant he could keep track of how everyone was doing. For _efficiency_ , of course.

The imagination was a little different. He was logic, the antithesis to creativity- where pigs flew and dragons were slain with blades that, realistically, couldn’t break their hides. But he’d been to Romans half, a few times. He knew what it could do, what it felt like, what it did when you spent too long there.

But Remus’ half…

He’d never been. As far as he was concerned, nobody but creativity themselves dared- and not even Roman, in recent years. He hated being in the dark like that ~~and he hated not knowing what spending all that time there did to Remus.~~

So he’d gone to explore it. With hindsight, going in alone without telling anyone hadn’t been his smartest choice. It’d been a significant oversight, really, to not consider _Remus_ might make some kind of monstrous, bloodthirsty abomination.

It was an oversight he believed was about to come back and bite him- literally, if the way the creature in front of him bared its teeth was anything to go by.

It looked like it came straight from one of HP Lovecrafts stories, glinting red eyes at the centre of a writhing mass of tentacles spanning further than he could see. Its teeth were longer than he was tall, razor sharp edges making him cringe from just the sight.

He backed up, slowly, but as soon as he felt a tentacle wrap around his leg he realised it was too late. It was lined with smaller teeth, but just as sharp, pricking into his skin in an inescapable grip. Fuck.

It tugged, hard, and he lost his balance, hitting his head on his way down. And then it started to drag him forwards. The pain in his leg was searing, and he was dully aware he should probably be struggling. Dazed, he reached out to try and hold onto a rock, get purchase- but its grip tightened and he cried out, instinctively letting go.

Huh. What happened when a side died? He assumed it’d be painful. Could he even die? Or would the beast tear him apart repeatedly while the other searched, no idea where he was. If they even would search.

He shook his head, wincing at the ringing in his ears. Spiralling wouldn’t help him. Nor would self pity.

He looked around himself for something else to do… And his eyes landed on a silhouette, ruffled shirt and morningstar outlined in the twilight.

Apparently, the creature noticed too, because before he knew it he’d been lifted up and slammed back down. Everything went dark.

-

Logan felt like his leg was on fire. He shot up, lashing out at the offender-

He was pretty sure the cry didn’t come from a sea monster.  
“Fuck, Specs!”

“...Remus?” He squinted at the creative side, watching as he raised a hand to his nose and it came away bloody. Ah.  
“Apologies.”

“That was quite the punch.” Logan really wasn’t sure how to feel about the others’ tone. Had he enjoyed it..? He decided he didn’t want to think about it, just raising an eyebrow at him.

“What were you doing to my leg?”

“Fixing you up! Some gratitude would be nice- is the problem my outfit? Ya rather I wore a nurses costume?” 

“You’re fine.” Logan replied immediately, glad he didn’t have enough blood left to rush to his face.

“Just fine-”

“Yes.” Apparently, there was some blood left to rush to his cheeks. Traitorous.

Remus pouted and went back to his leg- he realised he’d been pouring disinfectant onto it, when it stung- and grabbed some gauze.  
“What were ya doing in there, then? If you were looking for some kinda strip club or imaginary civilian to brutalise as an outlet for whatever shit you’ve got pent up, could’ve just asked-”

“Neither of those.” Logan said firmly.   
“I just… Had not been there before.” Remus glanced up, raising an eyebrow at him to elaborate.  
“I was curious.”

“Curious..?”

“I do not like not understanding things. Romans half is… fantastical, but when he spends too long there, it can become a little overwhelming.” Logan attempted to explain, frowning at Remus’ cackle.

“Aawh, you care~”

Logans face felt like it was on fire, now- today really wasn’t his day. He had never been an especially good liar, though, so he figured honesty was the best course forwards.  
“So what if I do?” 

If Remus’ own blush was anything to go by, he hadn’t expected that. Logan allowed himself a measure of satisfaction at that.

Neither of them knew what to say, so Logan allowed his mind to drift as Remus finished bandaging his leg. He was surprisingly gentle- more than he’d have expected- and experienced at it, too. He assumed he was well-versed with injuries, an assumption that left his stomach in knots. 

When Remus reached for some tape, leaning over his torso, Logan reached out to still him by his sash. Their eyes met, for what felt like years but could’ve only been a few seconds. He leant up and their lips met, and now Logans whole body was on fire. This time, he didn’t mind.

Remus pulled back, eyes wide and cheeks red. His smile was subdued, hopeful but almost afraid to think it as he questioned,  
“Why..?”

“I was curious.”

Remus laughed and wrapped his hands around the back of his neck, pulling him back up into another kiss.


	5. Day 5- kinky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A generic soft soulmate au :)) with a liiittle background Roceit. Again, not beta read (or reread lmao--) cause I started this at like 10pm soooo uh. yeah.
> 
> Content warnings: innuendossss

Remus liked to joke he was fearless. He’d climbed more trees, broken into more buildings, eaten more weird shit and set more stuff on fire than he could count. But he wasn’t fearless at all.

Soulmates terrified him. 

He was terrified of missing his- where most people had phrases, sentences, a ‘you’re gorgeous’ or ‘my name is’, his was a single word. ‘You’. He’d had _police officers_ yell that at him before… and, honestly, if they were his soulmate, he’d probably rather he’d missed them.

But he was also terrified his wouldn’t accept him. The ‘universe’ fucked up a lot, and it felt pretty unlikely it’d be able to find someone who’d put up with him based just on what he was like as a baby. 

His brother, of course, had something perfectly sweet; ‘whoa’. He’d been terrified of not finding his soulmate, too, but ever since their third school musical when he’d met the boy with the scarred face and tattoo of ‘be our guest’, the song Roman had just so happened to use for his audition, he’d been enamored. 

And of course the scarred boy had to be Remus’ best friend. Or… he’d been the new kid, at the time, but Remus had claimed him as friend material before Roman swept in. 

Luckily, he- Janus- soon became Remus’ friend anyway. Although, soulmate or not, he was pretty sure dicking down your besties twin broke the bro code. But no matter how many times he was kicked out the house so they could ‘cuddle’, he was happy for them.

He was on his way home from the supermarket when he got the call.

“... You’ve gotta be shitting me, Jan. I was getting _you_ groceries!”

Janus cleared his throat on the other end of the line, clearly embarrassed.  
“Wine hardly counts as a grocery.”

“Well it’s all you asked me for! At this point I’m just assuming you’re some kinda vampire that drinks wine instead of blood. Fuck, or as well as- if you’re draining him like a mosquito I’m gonna fuckin swat you.. Ooh, actually, did you know mosquitoes use six different mouth parts to drain your blood? Or that it’d take about one point one million of them to fully drain the blood from a person?”

“Fascinating.” Replied Janus, sounding thoroughly disgusted. Remus threw his head back and cackled.

“What I’m tryna say, here,” He continued once he’d finished laughing,  
“Is you’d better not fuckin bite my brother. Or… shit, actually, that’s your business, but I guess don’t draw blood? Or do? But that’s pretty-”

“-Remus-”

“.. Kinky.”

“ **You!** ” He heard a voice shout, and he slowly turned to face the hottest nerd he’d ever seen.

A nerd who was also frantically unbuttoning his shirt, pulling his tie aside and _damn_ was it a sight.  
“You alright there? Not that I’m complaining about the show, but usually I’d get to know a guy first…”

The shirt finally came undone and Remus had to do a double take. Partially for horny reasons- but mostly for the word tattooed across his chest. ‘Kinky’.

“Is yours..?” The stranger asked, eyes wide with hope.

“Why don’t you check for yourself? But, gotta warn ya, it’s in a very.. Intimate place.” Remus winked for what was quite possibly the worst line ever, but to be fair, nobody could say his soulmate- if this was him- wouldn’t know what he was getting into from the start.

The man went bright red, adjusting his glasses in what had to be the cutest nervous tick Remus had ever seen. Not that he was already falling, or anything.  
“That may be… Unwise, before we get to know each other better.”

If Remus focused too hard on the implication of _that_ he might short circuit.  
“Don’t worry, just fucking with ya.” He said instead, rolling down his own sleeve to reveal his own word. ‘You’.

He was suddenly very aware of the phone still in his hand- the laughing one. All he heard was an amused, “you’re a disaster”, and then the line went dead.

He smiled sheepishly at his soulmate.  
“I’m Remus.”


	6. Day 6- Teal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just fluff! Painfully short because I was kindaaa busy yesterday, so sorry it's late too, but! I'm planning on (finally) getting out something big later for day 7.
> 
> Content warnings: innuendos. again. seems to be a running theme here. also a brief mention of clowns?

“.. Green. Neon, bright, eye-hurting green!”

Logan sighed.  
“I don’t think that would be especially pleasant to look at.”

“That’s the point!”

Remus and Logans first flat was painfully plain. Logan would have been fine to leave it that way- but of course Remus wanted to go all out with the decorating. It was all he could do to keep him from doing something hideous (although, for the sake of his sanity, he’d already decided to give up on the idea of ever getting their deposit back.)

“... How about blue? It’s a more... neutral colour, but still adds some character.” Logan suggested, nodding towards the wall in question.

Remus looked at him suspiciously.   
“You’re just saying that because it’s your favourite.”

Caught in the act. The edge of Logans lips quirked up as he fought to keep his expression neutral, crossing his arms.  
“Perhaps.”

His boyfriend laughed, turning back to face the wall again.  
“How about teal?”

“Teal?”

“Yeah!” Remus nodded.  
“It’s like… greeny-blue.”

“I am aware of what the colour is. It is still technically a shade of green.” Logan argued in fond exasperation, already guessing where this was going.

“Nuh-uh. It’s an inbetween, a mix. It’s like… If our colours fucked! And gave birth! And were able to carry a child and were in general sentient- whoa, imagine if our wall was alive too, and one night it just swallowed us whole and put us in a nightmare dimension where we were tortured by demon clowns and shit-”

Logan cleared his throat, putting a gentle hand on Remus’ arm and turning him to look at him.  
“None of those things are happening.”

“I knoww.” Remus pouted, probably mourning the loss of the torturous demon clowns he’d imagined. Logan was sure he’d put them into some kind of story or painting, soon enough.  
“So… We’re settled on our colours baby?”

Logan scanned his boyfriends face, trying to see if he was serious. He just grinned back… So, reluctantly, he conceded,  
“So long as you don’t refer to it as that.”

“Yes!” Remus cheered, and even if Logan would have an aneurysm trying to make the wall look presentable and not like some kind of circus show in itself, it was worth it for that look of happiness. And Remus’ subsequent grabbing of his tie, pulling him in to whisper  
“In the meantime… Shall we make some teal?~”

Logan felt a new colour- red- enter the room (specifically, his face).  
“I am not convinced that’s how that works.”

“Only one way to find out-”


	7. Day 7- Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ridiculously self indulgent fake dating au!!! 
> 
> Content warnings: homophobia, cannibalism mention, smoking, and the usual for innuendos.

Logan wanted to punch something.

Ordinarily, he was not a violent man. He believed resolving your issues with fists was an outlet for those too unintelligent to properly articulate themselves.

He also believed, had he spent any more time in that room, he would have tried to pummel his father to a pulp.

Hands shaking with rage, he pulled out his phone. It took a few tries to click the correct number, and he slowly raised it to his ear.

“Logan?” Pattons’ voice was full of concern and, for the first time in years, he wanted to cry. He didn’t trust his voice, but apparently his silence was enough.  
“We’re on our way.”

-

“Allow me to duel them!”

Romans anger might have been sweet at first, but it was beginning to wear thin. Logan rolled his eyes.  
“Even if I believed they would accept, violence solves nothing.”

“But they deserve it.” Roman muttered, sitting back down dejectedly.

“Hey, no mister! Violence is bad.” Patton reprimanded, although even he wasn’t too firm. Nobody was the biggest fan of Logans’ parents right now.

“I was expecting this. They have expressed their… distaste, for gay people. It was foolish to expect any other kind of reaction.” Logan tried, hating how his voice shook as he spoke.

Patton put a hand on his shoulder.  
“You’re their son, Lo, it wasn’t fo-”

“I’ve got it!” Roman declared loudly, startling the other two. Patton opened his mouth but Logan, glad for the shift of focus from his emotions (... because that was uncomfortable), shook his head.

“You take home to them the worst boyfriend ever! Fake, that is. He can be rude and dismissive and swear-y and the total _opposite_ to a gentleman. That way, when you actually bring home a boy you like, they’ll be so relieved it’s not.. That.. and have no choice but to accept him!”

Patton clapped politely. Logan pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“Even if I consented, what makes you think this would work?”

“Oh, trust me. It’ll work.” Roman told him confidently, and Patton leant over to whisper “I’m convinced.”

What was he getting himself into?

“... I assume you have the perfect delinquent in mind.”

Roman grinned.

-

“What do you want, fuckwaffles?”

Roman spluttered, and Logan was already regretting this. The ‘delinquent’ in mind had been his twin, and even though Logan had been his friend once… That was a long time ago. He barely recognised the boy in front of him, lounging on bench and smoking what he sincerely hoped was just tobacco.

Logan figured he would cut to the chase, to spare any more stupidity.  
“Allow me to be frank- I recently informed my parents I was gay.” Remus seemed to perk up at that.  
“They did not take it well. Your brother seems to think pretending to date the worst possible influence will persuade them to accept a less abrasive boy, and I… Am out of other ideas.”

“That sucks.” Remus said, sincerely, and took a drag from his cigarette.  
“But I’m not interested. Fanfic rules say if you fake date, you fall for each other or whatever, and no offense Specs, but I don’t wanna bang a nerd.”

Logans brow furrowed.  
“Fanfic..?”

“Yeah, you know- works of ‘fanmade fiction’. Where you have a hard on for some made up guy and write about him fucking a different character you project onto. Ro writes it all the time.”

“I do _not_ write smut!” Roman said indignantly, going red.

“I know.” Remus sighed sadly.  
“That’s why your fics suck.”

Logan was pretty sure they were speaking another language, but he decided to power through. Whatever they were saying, it didn’t seem too important.  
“It’ll be purely professional.” Logan reassured him. And, because he was a little desperate…  
“And I can pay.”

Remus stared at him for a long minute, before finally putting out his cigarette on the bench. Logan cringed at the burn mark it left on the wood.  
“My first job as a male escort… Fine.”

Roman sighed in relief, and Logan nodded, sticking his hand out. Remus eyed it, then spat onto his palm and slapped it against Logans, giving it an unnecessarily tight shake.

Logan didn’t bother to hide his disgust, making note to wash his hands ASAP. Remus just grinned back at him.

“I’ll bring a spliff. When dya need me?”

Ah. Logan cringed  
“... Now.”

“Lucky for you, my evening’s free. We should probably get a story straight, first though- you wanna go for a walk?”

What choice did Logan have? He nodded curtly, and they started the walk in silence. He heard Remus drag out a sigh, and glanced over to see him pulling out some paper and starting to roll himself another cigarette. He frowned disapprovingly.

“Smoking causes an extremely damaging buildup of tar in your lungs and, in some cases, cancer.”

Remus licked the edge of it, rolling it up without even looking at Logan.  
“Maybe I like choking.”

So that was how it was. Logan shoved his hands into his pockets as they walked.  
“You are aware we’ll have to act as though we like each other for this, yes?”

“You’re saying you don’t like me?” Remus pouted. If Logan didn’t know better, he would’ve thought he saw a flicker of hurt on his face… But whatever it was, it was gone in an instant.  
“Why, that completely changes things.”

“I am _saying_ , we must act like a couple.” Logan corrected, unimpressed.

“So you do like me?” Remus teased, elbowing Logan in the side.  
“But… Alright. We hooked up at that gig down The Crown the other week- naturally, I was the top- and it’s been non-stop sex ever since. Happy?”

“I am not telling my parents any of that.” Logan said firmly. Once, he would have blushed at that, but he knew by now better than to take Remus’ words at face value.

“Why?” Remus tucked his cigarette behind his ear- just to crown the ‘troublemaker’ look, Logan supposed. Smoking was repulsive and all, but… It did kind of suit him. “Chose it cause you were there- don’t want them to know you go out?”

“No, actually. Whilst that was not my primary issue with your suggestion, it is not a detail they know, or I intend on sharing with them.”

Remus stared at him, and he shifted awkwardly under his gaze.  
“You didn’t tell them?”

“You… Remember what they are like.” Logan reminded him.  
“Can you blame me?”

Remus nodded, but for some reason he was still looking at him. “How’d you avoid getting caught, then?”

“Some of us are good at it.” Logan replied with a smirk

Remus gasped and elbowed him again.  
“Fuck off. Not my fault my parents don’t trust me!”

“I sincerely believe it is.”

Remus laughed, and Logan couldn’t help watching him. For someone so harsh, he was… Cute. He blushed when he was caught looking at him, quickly shaking his head and looking away.

Remus didn’t like silence, though, no matter how comfortable. It didn’t take long for him to open his mouth again.  
“What happened to us?”

Logan turned to look at him inquisitively, waiting for him to continue.

“I mean…” Remus seemed to hesitate, almost embarrassed. Huh. Logan hadn’t thought he _could_ get embarrassed.  
“We used to be mates, yknow? We talked about weird shit together, like- fuck, I don’t know, how tigers have spikes on their dick.”

Logan snorted at that.  
“I suppose we did.”

And the silence was back. It didn’t feel right, though- Logan knew there was more to say, so, reluctantly, he explained,  
“We were just… Very different. I was interested in my studies, you were interested in…”

“Eh, I get it.” Remus dismissed before he could even finish.  
“M’a bad influence- couldn’t have the model student associating with me.”

Logan frowned, looking over at Remus.  
“I don’t see why that should be the case.”

Remus startled, almost dropping his cigarette. He seemed shocked, and Logan almost smiled.

Before either of them could try and make sense of this strangely emotional moment, though, Logan had stopped walking and turned to look at the nearest house. They were there, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“... I am unsure if I can do this.” Logan admitted, taking a step back. He felt a weight on his shoulder, and looked up to see Remus’ hand. It was strangely comforting.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be the worst boyfriend you could ask for.”

Logan snorted and took a deep breath, holding out his hand. When Remus just stared at it, he explained, “To sell it.”

Remus made a small ‘ah’ of understanding, linking their hands and walking forwards with him.

Before he even had the chance, Remus rung the doorbell for him. Once, then again, and again and again and-

His mother opened the door angrily.  
“Logan, that’s immature and, quite frankly, rather idiotic.” Her eyes landed on Remus and they narrowed.  
“Who’s that?”

“Oh, I’m Remus. Pogan’s boyfriend.”

Her eye twitched.  
“That isn’t- Logan, can I have a word?”

Logan, who had until now just been watching in fascination- Remus really did have this down- subconsciously straightened his back.  
“Yes mother?”

“Alone.”

“Oh, anything you can say to him, you can say to me.” Remus supplied, leaning on the doorframe.  
“You gonna let us in or what?”

The colour drained from his mothers face and, if he weren’t so nervous, Logan would be genuinely impressed.  
“I have invited him back for dinner. I hope that’s alright.”

The look on her face said it very much wasn’t, but she forced herself to take a deep breath. She stepped back, forcing a thin-lipped smile to her face.  
“Of course.”

“Sick.” Remus walked straight past her, dragging Logan with him.  
“What’re we eating, then?”

“Pie. Your father will be home soon.” She said, message clear as she turned on her heel and left the room.

“I’m a vegan, so leave out any meat!” Remus yelled after her, before shooting Logan a grin.  
“How much more of a Karen could she be?”

Logan let out a surprised snort. “I must admit, you have this down.”

“Oh, I’m just getting started~”

Logan doubted Remus could get any worse than this, but a large part of him was rather excited to see him try.

-

Remus got so, so much worse. He insisted on sitting on Logans lap despite the whole sofa being free- and he did _not_ blush because of it. Nope- and spoke loudly about how much he wanted to smoke.

When Logans father arrived, the ‘couple’ were met with a stare of confusion and, after a whisper in his ear from his mother, a glare. He cleared his throat. Logan looked up, but Remus just fiddled with a lock of his hair- something that definitely didn’t make him blush, either. His father cleared his throat again, and Remus seemed to acknowledge him.

“Oh, hi. You must be… Pat?”

“Matt.” He snapped, and Logan realised just how well it worked to get someones name wrong.  
“Aren’t you that kid Logan used to hang around? Real trouble maker, always in detention.”

“Sure am- guess you could say Lo and I have a long history.”

It was honestly impressive how pissed he looked already. Logan squirmed but, before this could get any worse, there was a loud bang behind them. Everyone turned to look, just in time to see his mother slam the plates down onto the table.  
“Dinner.”

Logan watched in awe as Remus strode up to the table and seated himself at the head, awkwardly shuffling after him. He saw his parents exchange a look, but they thankfully sat down, too.

The next few minutes were painfully quiet. His mother served up the food in a way that could only be described as aggressive, and his father glared at the wall ahead of him.

“You guys read Titus Andronicus?” Of course it was Remus to break the silence. When Logan realised nobody else would reply, and he’d have to continue… Whatever this conversation was, he shook his head.

“The Shakespeare play? I am afraid not.”

“Oh, shame.” Remus picked at the food.  
“This Roman war criminal, Titus, brings back like four prisoners whose family he brutalised and whatever. They’re kindaaa pissed so, as revenge, they kill a couple his sons and mutilate his daughter. He finds out and kills _them_ , then cooks them into a pie and serves it to their mother. He’s killed by the emperor or whatever, but that’s not important. This just… Reminded me of that.” He poked the pie again.

Logans mother actually turned green.  
“I… Thought you were a vegan.” Was all she could think to say, thoroughly disgusted.

“That’s the thing about vegans!” Remus jiggled his fork in her direction.  
“We won’t eat animals or animal products, yeah? But we eat human products. Soooo, by that logic, we could eat a person, too.”

“Are you saying you’re a cannibal?” Logans father asked coldly, speaking for the first time since they sat down. 

Remus shrugged in a way that concerned even Logan.  
“Just a hypothetical.”

“This boy’s a maniac.” Logan heard his mother mutter, and his fist curled around his cutlery. His knuckles turned white.

“Don’t.”

Everyone looked at Logan in surprise, Remus included, and he found himself going red- not from embarrassment, but anger.

“Excuse me? You bring a fucking… Deviant, like this, into our house, and then you have the nerve to speak to your mother like that? Apologise, right now.” Logans father snarled. He clutched the cutlery tighter.

“Only if she does.”

“This, uh, really isn’t necessary-” Remus whispered to him, cut off by a shrill laugh.

“That’s the first thing you’ve said all day to make any sense.” His mother spat.

“Probably.” Remus agreed, easily, and Logan stood up suddenly. His chair clattered to the ground. 

“Don’t agree with them.”

Logans mother glared up him.  
“You sit down and stop this right this second”

For the first time in his life, Logan ignored her.  
“We are leaving.” He said coldly, grabbing Remus by the arm and storming out.

-

The second they were out of sight of the house, he stopped walking. He shut his eyes, pressed his back to the nearest wall, and slid down against it. Shit. Shit, shit, _shit._

He’d forgotten he wasn’t alone until Remus’ voice, uncharacteristically soft, called out  
“Lo..?”

He looked up, wiping at his eyes.  
“Apologies. That- none of it was fair on you.”

“What? No, I don’t give a shit about that. I signed up for it.” Remus dropped down next to him.  
“More concerned about you.”

“... Me?”

“Yeah, that was fuckin rough- just give the word and I’ll feed ‘em to the pigs, because damn.”

Logan laughed, a half sniffle.  
“I believe the phrase is ‘feed them to the fish’.”

“Well that’s stupid. Everyone knows you feed bodies to pigs.”

Logan decided not to question that… Instead, he hesitantly leant into Remus’ side. To his surprise, the other boy put an arm around him.  
“Specs?” He asked, after a minute.

“Hmm?” Logan shifted a little to meet Remus’ gaze.

“How come ya reacted so badly?”

Ah. Logan swallowed. He wasn’t too sure himself, really, but…  
“They had no right to speak to you like that.”

Remus stared at him quizzically, and Logan found himself meeting his gaze. They stayed like that, for longer than Logan cared to measure, before Remus finally asked,  
“Can I kiss you?”

For some reason, the question didn’t take Logan by surprise. He nodded and, grinning, Remus brought his mouth down to meet his.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, the first one's a little short and prolly not my best.. I haven't written for a whileeee lmao, but hope you enjoyed anyway! Couldn't not take part in this.


End file.
